Why don’t these GIFs exist?


Have you ever been embroiled in a fun text exchange with a friend, colleague, spouse…fucking anybody, honestly. And your counterpart says something and immediately a pop culture reference comes to mind as the perfect wordless response in GIF form? You’re confident that it’ll get a mutual chuckle on the other end and can’t wait to send the GIF and, ideally, a public credit later:

“Oh! Tiffany, (notjustshootyhoops) sent the funniest GIF the other day!”

Or, maybe you’ll even get the ultimate in online accolades and your friend thinks so highly of your GIF that they screenshot the text exchange and send it to someone else! You’re so excited to reply with your GIF so you pop open the GIPHY app (perhaps there’s a better one that I’m not aware of) and…damn, does this really not exist?! No one has ever thought to use this perfect scene? Meanwhile, there’s complete garbage GIFs on this app that I can’t comprehend being used in any scenario, ever.

Time continues to pass as you search on GIPHY and in the end, you give up looking and settle on a boring text reply (“Haha nice”). Or worse, you Google image search and hopefully find something that portrays the would-be GIF as best as possible. But it’s never the same. It’s such a frustrating feeling for me. I’d imagine if it’s happened to you, you’ve felt the same way. 

Below are the five most, for me, sought-after GIFs that organically work in so many text conversations that I have in my personal life…but I can never seem to find. Let me know if you agree or have some others that have frustrated you in your life!

Man, “Rookie of the Year” brings back some strong childhood memories. I, like many boys my age, was once a baseball-obsessed Little League All-Star destined to make my way to the majors. Rookie of the Year was a home run of a flick (pun intended, yes!) about a young boy with a broken arm, Henry Robenhooser… Runnamucker…oh, Rowengartner! I was way off! Knew it started with an ‘R’ though! 

Henry’s broken arm somehow transforms him into a heater throwing pitcher for the Chicago Cubs alongside grizzled veteran Chet Steadman, played by the…well, grizzled nut bar, Gary Busey. Late in the movie, Steadman is on the mound during the NLCS in the 8th inning and he’s hurting. His arm is on its last legs (hehe) and the pesky Mets loaded the bases on him. 

Cubbies skipper Martinella, seeing his teams’ chances slipping away, yells to Steadman, “I’m taking you out!” Gary Busey, in a brilliant piece of acting considering this was a kid flick, looks back at his manager and pleads with the sincerity of a man who knows his spotlight is dimming, “Give me one more.” Marinella, pausing to try to talk himself into what he knows is the correct baseball move, ultimately relents and tells his ace, “Look, ONE MORE!”

How can Martinella’s ‘ONE MORE’ response not have an easily-searchable GIF!? I find myself wanting to use it in conversations seemingly anytime someone asks me anything that requires a faux hesitation before giving in. 

Examples of Usage: 

Wife: “Hey, when you get home later, can we please move the bookshelf that you moved last month to a different spot in the living room? This is the last time, I promise!”

Me: (***LOOK, ONE MORE GIF***)

Daughter (at kids birthday party): “Daddy, can I please just go on the trampoline one more time?”

Me: (***LOOK, ONE MORE GIF***)

Ex-WWE Superstar Christian: “Hey, Triple H I know if I could just get one more shot at the World Heavyweight Championship, I could beat Randy Orton.”

Triple H: (***LOOK, ONE MORE GIF***)

Ah, Tom Hanks. Undoubtedly one of the all-time acting greats. Forrest Gump, The Green Mile, Toy Story, Apollo 13, Bosom Buddies. But in this humble bloggers’ opinion, one role stands out above the rest: Jimmy Dugan in “A League of Their Own”. Hanks, playing the ex-major leaguer who ruined his career as a victim to the bottle, turned disinterested manager of the Rockford Peaches ladies baseball team, steals every scene in which he appears.

He delivers several classic lines throughout the movie, many of which CAN be found as GIFs quite easily. “There’s no crying in baseball” obviously exists. Even “Ha! Got ‘em!” after he pelts Stillwell Angel in the face with a baseball glove lives on GIPHY. However, one great line that happens just before Stillwell caught one in the kisser is incredulously not easily available for my everyday use! 

I don’t want to play spoiler and give the plot away in case you haven’t seen the movie. But just before a big game, something happens which gives Jim Dugan (“Hooooo!”…sorry, wrestling seeped in for a moment) a sudden rush of confidence after initially being sullen towards the game. To himself, but aloud, he starts to lament, “We’re gonna win…” This happens simultaneously to Stillwell chanting, “You’re gonna lose!”, which, in the end, causes Dugan to snap out of his initial trance and yell, “We’re gonna win!!!” before tossing the glove.

Once again, the “We’re gonna win…we’re gonna win!” isn’t readily available as a GIF! I find myself wanting to use it at times when a favorite team of mine is an underdog but I just have that positive gut feeling.

Examples of Usage:

Friend: “Dude, I don’t know why but I just feel like the Giants are gonna pull this one out today.”

Me: (***WE’RE GONNA WIN GIF***)

Friend: “Did you see Jayson Tatum sprained his ankle and can’t play game 7 against the Knicks?”

Me: (***WE’RE GONNA WIN GIF***)

BONUS JIMMY DUGAN GIF REQUEST: “You start using your head. That’s that lump that’s three feet above your ass!”. He says this to his sweet, innocent outfielder Evelyn after she doesn’t hit the cutoff man and the Peaches lost the lead because of her. This line is the precursor to the famous “There’s no crying in baseball” that everybody and their mother knows. But from an organic conversational standpoint, I think the lump above your ass line would be a great GIF to use when you want to respond to someone who’s admitting a mistake.

BONUS JIMMY DUGAN GIF REQUEST 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO: No words, per se. But in a later scene, after Evelyn once again overthrows the cutoff man, Dugan stops her outside of the dugout, seemingly for another dressing down. However, after being chastised by the umpire for his behavior earlier in the movie, Dugan shows restraint and addresses his outfielder with uncharacteristic restraint and tells her nicely that he’d like for her to work on her throws in the offseason. Evelyn responds much better to this form of critique and makes her way to the dugout. Dugan, fighting his every urge to scream as he normally would, shakes uncontrollably until the moment passes. This shot of Dugan shaking could easily be sent in GIF form to someone who reveals frustrating news to you. (Edit: This one actually exists on GIPHY, however it’s about a third of the length it should be, so its inclusion here still counts!)

Chad Gable is WWE’s “Triple H Era” answer to Kurt Angle. He represented the United States as a wrestler in the 2012 Olympic Games in London. And while he didn’t win a gold medal with a broken freakin’ neck, that’s still one hell of an accomplishment and Gable is an incredible wrestler. In fact, he’s much more than a “good little hand” (wrestling-speak for solid in-ring worker) as he, much like Angle, mastered the comedic side of pro wrestling too.

After years of being overlooked, in 2021-ish, Gable formed a tag team with Otis (“Oh yeahhhhhh”) known as the Alpha Academy. And it was this point where Master Gable began to show his charismatic chops in the form of two catchphrases, both of which deserve inclusion in this blog for being A) simple enough to come up in everyday speak and B) not easily-accessible when needed!

“Shoosh!” Gable would often interrupt his adversaries by telling them not to “shush”, but rather “Shoosh!” His over-the-top delivery and pronunciation of the word was hysterical and even became the opening riff of his theme song for a time.

Example of Usage:

Wife: “Hey, would you be opposed…”

Me: (***SHOOSH GIF***)

“Ah thank you!” When feeling particularly good about himself, Chad would offer ill-fated advice to a foe and then deliver the exclamation, “Ah thank you!” complete with one or two peace signs going up proudly in the air. It’s the ultimate display of obnoxiousness and would make for a fun zinger to a friend.

Example of Use:

Friend: “Congratulations, you won our fantasy football match this week thanks to a fucking Jalen Hurts pick on Monday Night Football.”

Me: (***AH THANK YOU GIF***)

Oh man, this is one that I find myself wanting to use over and over again in text exchanges. In fairness, I have found a GIF of this but it took some hefty Google searching and gets consistently lost when I delete text chains or my friends and I send each other a ton of crap over time. It should be easily-available on GIPHY and it’s not, hence its inclusion in this blog.

Tim Whatley, played by a not-yet-A-list Bryan Cranston was the dentist friend of Jerry, Elaine, and the gang on Seinfeld. You may remember Cosmo Kramer accusing Jerry of being an anti-dentite in an episode? That was Whatley’s doing after Seinfeld accused him of converting to Judaism solely to be able to make jokes about Jews. But for me, another Whatley moment stands out in particular. 

Jerry meets an attractive woman named Gwen at a party hosted by Whatley and they make plans to go on a date to the movies soon thereafter. When Jerry picks Gwen up in a cab, she is suddenly completely…well, not very good looking. But, then the lighting improves and Gwen appears once again to be beautiful, confusing Jerry. George Costanza would later inform him of the “two face” phenomenon where a woman can look both beautiful and hideous, depending on the lighting of the situation. 

After a couple flip-flops of attractiveness, Jerry and Gwen arrive to the theater to run into Whatley and his date for the evening. Jerry introduces Gwen but unfortunately, she’s on the bad lighting side of things, portraying Jerry as a settler in the scenario. Gwen leaves to go to the table and Jerry looks back to Whatley, seemingly to see if he too is seeing what Jerry is seeing…and is saddened to learn that he indeed does. But Whatley doesn’t TELL Jerry that he doesn’t find Gwen attractive. Instead, he delivers a brilliant facial expression as if to say, “Yikes, I don’t know, man. But good for you I guess.” And damn, it works in everyday conversation all the time! It’s perfect to convey wanting to let someone down easy.

Examples of Usage:

Friend: “Did you catch Ingrid Andress’ National Anthem at the Home Run Derby last night?”

Me: (***WHATLEY GIF***)

Friend: “Dude, have you seen what Amanda Bynes looks like these days?”

Me: (***WHATLEY GIF***)

Wife: “Jesus Christ, that dump you took this morning fucking stunk!”

Me: (***WHATLEY GIF***)

For me, this is the grand poo bah of unavailable GIFs and it is an absolute crime! After divorcing from his wife of many years, Cheryl, Larry David finds his character a single man on the prowl on his hit HBO show, “Curb Your Enthusiasm”. LD, who we, in an earlier season learned, subscribed to the “to death do us part” mantra of his wedding vows in a literal sense, was excited at the concept of dating new women (whether it was in Heaven or here on Earth). Ultimately, thankfully, it was just his divorce that served as the catalyst and not the death of him or Cheryl. So, Larry begins galavanting about Los Angeles courting various women. All of whom, in typical Curb fashion, ended with some sort of hijinks. 

There was Mary Jane Porter, a rekindled love interest from Larry’s past. Everything seemed to be going great…until Mary Jane revealed that she currently had a boyfriend. Oh, and he was on his way to Larry’s house (which he had the address for thanks to MJ’s inability to lie) to kick his ass.

Xena, the Warrior Princess also took a stab at Larry. Lucy Lawless (Xena) actually initiated the flame between herself and Larry. But the restaurant in which they were set to dine at refused service because they chose Cheryl in the divorce. Undeterred, Lawless invites Larry back to her place instead. Larry, nursing a crotch injury (and the discovery that he sported ‘long balls’) and slyly surmising that ‘dinner at Xena’s house’ likely meant intercourse, scoffs at the idea, informing her that his doctor had recommended no relations for a week. This, of course, leads to another dating gaffe, as Lucy tells him, “I was only talking about dinner, you big asshole!”

And who could forget Denise Handicap? As she was so aptly named in Larry’s phone contacts so he wouldn’t forget who she was. Denise was a woman who Larry hit it off with at a coffee shop before realizing that she wasn’t sitting in a shop-owned seat but rather her own wheelchair. In an attempt to forgo public scrutiny, and gain sorely-needed admiration, David begins to date her. Larry David: from selfish to selfless! But, of course, a communication mishap leads Larry to date another handicapped woman, Wendy Wheelchair, and the two meet at a party and simultaneously realize that Larry had been using them for the public credit and benefits that come with being handicapped. 

Then, there was Jennifer, played by SNL alum Ana Gasteyer. Their relationship was actually relatively normal and going well. Larry was at Jennifer’s house one day waiting for her to get ready to go out when her son, Greg, greets him for the first time. It’s obvious to any viewer, and Larry himself, that the young Greg was definitely on the more effeminate side. Later, Larry comes by again to pick Jennifer up for a date and brings Greg a birthday present. Greg opens it up to find a sewing machine and excitedly shrieks, “Ahh! It’s a sewing machine, it’s a sewing machine! Thank you, Lord!”

He then revealed that he was going to make Gone With the Wind costumes and Wizard of Oz costumes, Dorothy specifically. Greg exits the room and Jennifer turns to Larry and bluntly asks, “A sewing machine? What are you trying to do, turn him gay?” Larry’s look that follows perfectly summed up what a dozen words in that moment couldn’t. A head tilt and face as if to say, “Come on, are you fucking kidding me?” It’s a genius piece of acting and would make for a GIF that I would use a ton in my personal life.

Examples of Usage:

Friend: “I really think I might have a shot with that hot chick from the bar.”

Me: (***LARRY GIF***)

Me: “What do you think, honey? Any chance at…you know…tonight?”

Wife: (***LARRY GIF***)

Bronny James: “My success has nothing to do with my father.”

Everybody: (***LARRY GIF***)

So there you go, that’s my list of Top 5 (+3) GIFs that are not easily-available on GIPHY for my texting convenience! I’m sure I’ll think of a dozen more (+3) after I publish this blog and kick myself for not including them here. But I’d love to hear from you! What are some more examples of moments that would make for great GIFs?