Release Date: October 14, 1994
Genre: Comedy, Kids, Sports
Starring: Ed O’Neill, Rick Moranis, Devon Sawa
Today is October 14, 2024 and it marks the official 30th anniversary of the release of cult classic 90’s kids movie, “Little Giants”. It also marks a not-so-subtle reminder of how old I’m getting, but nonetheless. And to commemorate this fun film, I’m doing a rewatch for the first time in many years…
Oh my goodness, right out of the gate — the music and football X’s and O’s graphics are instant reminders that I am already breezing my way down Memory Lane. We’re immediately introduced to the film’s protagonist and antagonist in a flashback to 1964. Brothers, Kevin and Danny O’Shea are two typical suburban kids growing up in Urbania, Ohio. It’s evident that Kevin appears to be the star athlete of the family, on the cusp of future football greatness…whilst Danny’s athletic accolades are destined for a skinnier Chris Christie.
Kevin thinks so little of his brothers’ talent, that he opts not to choose him for the touch football game with the local boys, which saddens Danny. Despite this, Kevin points to a water tower and says that both of their names will be on there one day. We fast forward 30 years to present day 1994 (…which, Jesus, is now 30 years in the past) to see that the water tower did in fact change, but with Kevin’s name only.
“One day our names’ gonna be up there in big, bold letters. ‘The O’Shea Brothers’.” – Kevin O’Shea
The Pride of Urbania, Kevin O’Shea has returned home to coach his hometown’s Pee Wee football team, the Cowboys. A big hit stops the tryouts to check on the wounded player. When the tackler takes their helmet off, they’re revealed to be a girl, “Ice Box”. Ice Box is clearly one of the better players…miles ahead talent-wise than the rag-tag group of kids who have the talent level of a young Danny O’Shea. There’s Rad Tad, a dorky blonde who’s remarkably slow considering his skinny build. We meet “Hot Hands” Hanon who’s desperate to be a star wide receiver but his catching ability hasn’t yet caught up to his aspirations. And, of course, Zoltec, a heavyset kid who hides peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in his helmet.
Tryouts conclude and, remarkably, despite being the best player on the field, Ice Box joins the other less-talented kids as the only ones cut from the team. More egregious, “Ice Box” is Becky O’Shea, Danny’s daughter and Kevin’s niece. And Kevin cut her simply because of her gender. Cuts to Kevin and Danny’s private lives display a continuation of the opening flashback’s hints of where the brothers’ futures were headed. Kevin owns a slick football-themed car dealership and lives in a big house with an attractive wife and two beautiful daughters, Debbie and Priscilla. Danny operates a run-down gas station in town, his home is smaller and less-kept, and we learn that his wife (Becky’s mom) has left them. If it wasn’t clear already, the “David vs. Goliath” metaphor is in full swing.
“Sweetie, if I had a football team, I’d pick you.” – Danny O’Shea
…which is precisely what happens. Becky, perhaps taking Danny at his literal word, signed up an additional Pee Wee team for Urbania and Danny is convinced to coach after a run-in with Kevin, where he finally steps up to his older brother. Two elderly locals who live for the goings-on of Urbania suggest the two teams have a playoff game to determine which one gets to represent the town.
Ice Box and her band of lovable losers set off on foot along train tracks to fill the roster. They discover several kids who join them on the trek: Marcus, a pudgy kicker. Nubie, a classically-dressed nerd who’s excited to come up with creative plays. Timmy Moore, a kid who’s completely disinterested in football but joins the squad anyway. Johnny Vennaro, a sullen boy who’s father chooses work over him. And, of course, Jake Berman: the fragile preemie whose mom perhaps shares a little too much.
Bad News Bears meets football as the shoddy bunch struggles to practice anything close to resembling athleticism of any sort. At a local grocery store, some of the crew run into a toilet paper tossing stud quarterback named Junior Floyd. The only downside: the normally stoic and unforgiving Ice Box finds herself with a bit of a school girl crush on the TP-tosser. Witnessing how Junior treats a girly-girl, her cousin Debbie, Ice Box begins to wonder if acting more like a “typical” girl would help her internal desire for Junior’s attention. Mirroring the small-town nature of Urbania, Becky and Danny discover that Junior is the son of Danny’s childhood crush, Patty.
After learning from his daughter about how the newly-dubbed “Little Giants” have finally found a competent quarterback, Kevin and his lifelong lackey, Coach Butz (side note: my buddy and I still laugh at that name to this day) hide in some bushes nearby Danny’s gas station to spy on the Giants’ new acquisition. This leads to one of my favorite exchanges in the movie:
“They’ve got the guards in the back field. The Center is to the right! And the quarterback isn’t even there!” – Coach Butz
“They’re standing around, Butz!” – Kevin O’Shea
After a deceptive case of mistaken identity, Danny’s Little Giants gain a new player, Spike Hammersmith, who moved to Urbania with his father specifically to learn under the guidance of football legend Kevin O’Shea and his Pee Wee football team. Spike is a football wunderkind along the likes of Brian “The Boz” Bosworth.
In an attempt to get revenge on Danny for stealing Spike, he has a conversation with Becky and leans into her growing ache to become more of a “girl” to gain Junior’s attention. Junior confirms Becky’s biggest fear: that he’s not romantically interested in her. I mean shit, according to him, she could even beat up his dad. This letdown, coupled with her conversation with Uncle Kevin, leads Becky towards a future in cheerleading. From Ice Box to Ice Princess it appears for the Giants’ starting fullback.
Later, Spike’s father learns that he was duped by the wrong O’Shea brother, leading Spike to leave the Giants and join the Cowboys team. The Giants players lose all confidence that they’ll have a shot at winning the playoff game without Spike…until a chance meeting with John Madden and NFL stars from 1994. The NFL’ers instill confidence in the underdog Giants and remind them that if they stick together, they’ll be fine. Classic kids movie trope!
It’s Urbania Pee Wee football playoff day! And shit, the atmosphere mirrors more of a division 1 college game than the typical Pop Warner fare that I’ve experienced in my life. It’s taking place in a small stadium and there’s a marching band and a fucking radio booth! In the Giants’ locker room, the kids are fired up. The NFL superstars have given them enough confidence to even taunt the Cowboys in the adjoining locker room…until Becky walks in wearing her cheerleader garb. The confidence drains from the locker room faster than Ross Gellar’s chances at picking up the pizza girl while flirting.
“Why does he get to call it?” – Danny O’Shea
“Danny, what difference does it make? You kick off, we ram it down your throat. We kick off; we take it from you, then we ram it down your throat!” – Kevin O’Shea
The first half of the game is a comedy of errors for the Little Giants: Johnny Vennaro catches a boot to the ‘bag, Zoltec gets hit so hard that he talks out of his ass, Jake gets his head torn off, and Hanon glued his hands together and gets hit in the head with a beautiful toss from Junior as a result.
In the locker room at halftime, he downtrodden Giants are eager to quit the game. They tell Danny to inform everyone that they’re on the injured list, which spikes a core memory of Danny. He, too, placed himself on the ‘injured list’ as a kid when he felt that he wasn’t good enough to play with his brother, Kevin. Danny inspires the Giants with a childhood tale of how he beat Kevin in a bike race down Cherry Hill…one time.
The reinvigorated Giants open up the second half with more energy, scoring their first touchdown on a reverse to Rad Tad: the self-proclaimed play call that would be the “last thing the Cowboys would expect”. An unsportsmanlike hit from Spike injures Junior, enraging Ice Box. She exchanges her pom poms for shoulder pads and joins the Giants, donning Lawrence Taylor’s #56.
“A pitch to Johnny? You can’t pitch to Johnny. I’M Johnny!”
The Giants cut the deficit to one score after Johnny races down the field for a touchdown and into the warm embrace of his absentee father, who blew off some business meetings to finally be present for his son. Soon thereafter, Hot Hands Hanon catches a long TD pass after visualizing the ball as a roll of toilet paper, the only thing he’s able to reliably catch.
After the Ice Box does her number justice and makes a fourth-down tackle stopping Spike from breaking the plane, the Giants take over on downs, the game tied 21-21 with four seconds on the clock. They opt for a trick play that received John Madden’s blessing, the “Annexation of Puerto Rico”…and wouldn’t you know it, the son of a bitch works and they win the game!
Danny, not one to hold his older brother to a bet they made which transfers ownership of Kevin’s car dealership to Danny via the Giants’ win, he instead opts for nice piece of movie storytelling. The water tower which once donned just Kevin’s name, now reads, “Urbania: Home of the O’Shea Brothers”. It’s a nice little nod that shows that all Danny wanted from the beginning was his star brothers’ respect…and plus, it’s a fun callback to the beginning of the film.
“Little Giants” explores a plethora of themes: David vs. Goliath, teenage romance, always wear a cup, never giving up on your dreams, and more. And with a classic mid-90’s backdrop, this makes for an incredibly fun and easy watch!